This is a short story about my experience living and working in Taiwan, which I wrote for the satirical journal McSweeney's Internet Tendency. Since my stay in Taiwan, things have changed there: In 2023 the country was rated as having the number one healthcare system in the world, boasting universal state-run insurance. (In that same year in the United States, I spent over $15,200 on healthcare premiums and out-of-pocket co-payments for preventative care and a few tests.)