Starwipe Feature Pitch

East Los Angeles Oscar Winner, Leonardo DiCaprio, No Different From Us

Minutes after Leonardo DiCaprio received an Oscar and was dubbed “King of the World,” he assured “all”

he’s still “one of us”---forever humbled, from growing up in East Los Angeles, or “East Hollywood, same

difference.” By revealing this fact to a red-carpet celebrity news correspondent, while surrounded by other

rich and famous icons, all discussing their horrifying struggles prior to receiving copious amounts of

accolades and cash, Dicaprio assuaged our worst fears that he’d depart his plebian life. Dicaprio went on to

explain, “An Oscar doesn’t mean jack in my daily struggle to un-see the barbarism I saw on the mean streets

of East Los Angeles, I mean East Hollywood.”

DiCaprio described the harsh realities of being a young actor from East Los Angeles, or “East Hollywood?

Whatever. Same thing.”

”Back when my parents had nothing better to do than cart me around to the precocious, brat-ridden rooms

which are Hollywood Casting offices, we didn’t even have Waze or Google Maps. We used a Thomas

Guide.”

If anyone was wondering, undoubtedly Leo knows the difference between East Los Angeles and East

Hollywood. He’s an expert in geography and topography, with his keen ability to differentiate between the

transcontinental subtleties of San Paulo swimsuit models and Buenos Aires fashion models. Moreover, the

Garmin GPS in his limousine has “Lifetime Maps” and updates automatically in any of the free Wi-Fi zones all

around the hard “dad bod,” streets of “East Hollywood or what ever you want to call it.”

When asked how he would celebrate his Oscar win, Leo said, “I’m planning to visit old buds over in East Los

Angeles or what’s it called?...East Hollywood?---We might have a few drinks at this new cold-pressed juice

bar where they have the most hydrating coconut kefir probiotic shots. They’re so delish.”

Our inability to achieve our dreams is a dilemma that pales in comparison to what Leo describes as the toils

of growing up among the hardcore pollutants of six-dollar pour over coffees, custom-designed mopeds, and

those guys who wear wide-brimmed hats, in, “I think it’s called, East Hollywood?”

Word Count: 348


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